Fifteen Going on Sixty
by Lucathia Rykatu
Summary: The secret behind the Pope's youth is no small secret. Even the Pope himself has tried to forget, but when Grisia comes too close, the Pope is forced to confront his past.
1. Part 1: Secret

Fifteen Going on Sixty (Going on Fifteen)

by Lucathia

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Legend of Sun Knight and make no profit from writing this.

**Summary:** The secret behind the Pope's youth is no small secret. Even the Pope himself has tried to forget, but when Grisia comes too close, the Pope is forced to confront his past.

* * *

**Part 1: Secret**

* * *

When my door flew open, I immediately readied my magic, about to blast the intruder. Whoever had just disturbed me was either very daring to brave my magic traps, or they were just plain dense for not even noticing them or realizing the possibility that they'd be there. As the intruder was trapped in the spells I'd set, I'd say that the intruder belonged to the latter category and lacked a bit in the intelligence department.

With a head of blazing red hair, Fahr's brash student stood frozen before me, trapped by my magic. Only his eyes were capable of moving, and they were wide with shock. I didn't have to glance behind me to know that he'd seen what was in my room, and that really wouldn't do. I'd guarded my secret for way too many years to have a bumbling Blaze Knight-in-training unveil me in such a way.

"Child, you must not remember what you've seen in my room!" I said, and without the least bit of hesitation, I reached out with my magic to erase the last hour of his memories.

This wasn't the first time I had to do something like this to guard my secret, and I knew it wouldn't be the last. I might have hesitated at one point about the lengths I went through to protect myself, but I was in too deep to change. I was a coward, but if being one meant I could keep my promise, I didn't mind.

I carefully guided Fahr's student back to the hallways of the Sanctuary of Light. When he shook himself out of his daze, wondering what he was doing here, I nearly thought he would decide to kick my door again. Thankfully, he seemed to recall that he wanted to kick Grisia's door.

From afar, I watched him bounce off. I shook my head, his brashness making me feel nostalgic. _Would he never learn that some doors just can't be kicked? Some secrets are better kept hidden..._

Mine was one such secret, though I really should have expected that the Blaze Knights would always be the ones closest to uncovering me.

I returned to my room and strengthened the traps on my door.

_I'll have to deduct Fahr's pay once again..._

* * *

_By the fireside, he sits, cooking a pot of stew. When he notices that I'm watching him, he looks up, briefly startled, but then he smiles at me, his smile reaching his clear blue eyes. As he offers me a bowl, the clouds part just in time for the sun to shine down on him, glittering off his golden hair. It's a sight that she would have scoffed at, but I can't say I wasn't spellbound. _

_I really wanted to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing right - who glitters like this anyway? - but I'm hungry. I take the bowl. _

_I'll never forget the taste of that stew._

_"Thanks," I say in a small voice. I was so sure that I'd get chased away, but instead, he offered me kindness. I look up at him questioningly. "Why would you help a stranger?" I ask._

_Right after my question, he blurts his name out, claiming that we're no longer strangers now that I know his name, but oh wait, he still doesn't know mine. If I didn't mind sharing, would I let him know my name?_

_His rambling thoughts put me at ease. I open my mouth. "I'm-"_

* * *

"Pope! It's an emergency!"

Abruptly, my eyes shot open, the scene by the campfire dissolving into the dreamscape. Reality slammed back into place.

I stumbled out of bed.

* * *

_Don't you dare die, Sun!_

* * *

I hurried inside, so hastily woken that I hadn't even had time to change out of my pajamas. Half of me was still back in the dream, mind not quite caught up.

Neo Sun sat on the bed with a scowl on his face.

I let myself relax.

He looked fine. This wasn't going to turn out like _that_ time, when even the amazing recovery abilities of my Sun wasn't enough to save his life. Short of receiving eight slashes from countless bandits again, Neo Sun would always be fine. For that, I was grateful. It meant one less generation of Sun Knights I needed to worry about coming to me at death's door. Sun Knights may be resilient, but they weren't the best at staying uninjured. Trouble had a way of finding them.

"Have your old bones given up on you?" I quipped. Even as I talked, I gathered holy element to cast healing spells on him.

Neo's scowl darkened. "I'm way younger than you, you old coot."

If only he knew.

I pouted. "Tsk tsk, you shouldn't be so disrespectful to your elder!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear Pope. I really shouldn't be so disrespectful to such a cute, little elder."

If there was anything I hated in this world more than having the treasury run out, it was getting called old _and_ cute. Neo often did both, rubbing in my two most detested terms.

I bristled. "Well, if you're healthy enough to throw barbs at me, you're completely fine then."

"That's what I've been telling Chasel," Neo grumbled and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Having my door kicked tonight had brought my past to the forefront of my mind. I glanced over, unable to prevent myself from recalling the blond haired, blue eyed man who had shared his stew with me by the campfire. Neo bore the same blond hair and blue eyes, as did every generation that came before him. I'd seen my share of Sun Knights in my time as the Pope, and each time, I wondered...

Could this be him? Is it him?

But no matter how closely they resemble his appearance or even his personality, none of them are ever him. None of them have the memories we shared, of adventuring and stumbling upon our companions one by one.

Neo, I was sure, was definitely not him. They were as different as different could be. After all, the man who had saved my life couldn't even hold a sword correctly. Despite that, we had all chosen for him to become our leader, for we could think of no better person we would rather follow. He was one of a kind, someone who made us believe in the goodness of the world. I was a cynic, but in his presence, even a cynic could turn into an optimist.

However... Despite his charisma... I wished we had never pushed him to become our leader.

He hadn't been ready for it.

He had never been a fighter.

_Sun, you better open your eyes! Damn you! Open your eyes already!_

Neo was definitely not him. Neo was strong, the strongest Sun Knight I've seen.

He was not him.

I cast one last healing spell over Neo, satisfied that he would be okay.

* * *

"Huh, I'm taller than you now!"

I looked up from behind my veil. Before me stood Neo's student, Grisia. It was vexing that even Grisia, one of the shortest among the thirty-eighth generation of the Twelve Holy Knights, was taller than me now.

"Why'd you choose the appearance of a fifteen year old? You're such a... shrimp." Grisia wrinkled his nose. He had his arms on his hips, and just because he was a little taller than me now, he thought he should bend down, leaning forward to talk to me.

Despite the prickling feeling in my chest, I brought up my fingers to poke at my cheeks. I'd been letting myself slip too much, the dream affecting me more than I thought. In a singsong, I said, "You're just jealous you're not as cute as me~."

It was a well practiced routine of mine, enough to make everyone think I enjoyed looking cute and being short. After all, who wouldn't enjoy everlasting youth?

Grisia, like everyone else, took my words at face-value, never stopping to wonder why I always bristled upon being called cute yet turned around in the very next second to use the word myself.

If I said it enough, maybe one day I'd be able to convince myself.

* * *

to be continued

**A/N:** This will be a short multi-parter, probably around the length of Lessons in Demeanor. Surely, I'm not the only one who has had theories about the Pope, hehe. This is just one of the theories. A fairly absurd theory, but probably one that many have entertained (though details might vary). Hope you enjoy this exploration of the Pope's background.


	2. Part 2: Siren Call

Fifteen Going on Sixty (Going on Fifteen)

by Lucathia

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Legend of Sun Knight and make no profit from writing this.

**Notes:** Completely veering into wild theory territory. This will definitely not be true of FW canon whenever that ends up being released. (But like many people have already figured out, Female Warrior is involved in this! So, I suppose you could consider this a crossover. Then again, they are of the same universe...) Spoilers for LSK up to V5C6 for this part.

* * *

**Part 2: Siren Call  
**

* * *

I hadn't always been a cynic.

There was a time when I believed that everyone had goodness in their hearts. It was what he believed too, and together we were always considered the naivest pair of the group, though my brother did give us a run for our money. Even when my belief began to waver, his presence always made me want to believe all over again.

Time was what made me into a cynic. Time, and the fact that I would forever have to live with the aftermath. Time, and how it took away my companions one-by-one until I nearly ended up alone.

Time was what I could never win against.

Although people claimed that Grisia was the Sun Knight most like the Sun Knight of legends, the very epitome of perfection, possibly the incarnation of the God of Light Himself, hearing so always amused me. Thankfully, my veil concealed my twitching lips whenever it happened. Otherwise, no one would be able to take me seriously.

It was already difficult for most to take me seriously. If not for my command of holy magic, most would dismiss me as nothing more than a boy despite my years. Having the appearance of a fifteen-year-old boy was truly very inconvenient. It never stopped being so.

No one around me knew the true reason behind my appearance. They thought I was like Neo, that I chased after everlasting youth.

No one was ever around long enough _and_ had the right clues to figure out the truth.

Until Grisia.

Unfortunately, those clues came from personal experience that I would never wish upon anyone, not even Grisia.

I should say... especially not Grisia.

He reminded me too much of myself.

* * *

The day Grisia revealed that he'd learned Resurrection, I rolled my eyes at him. "You're putting all the clerics in the world to shame!"

Inwardly, I was alarmed. I thought he would be like all the other Sun Knights before him and be on the receiving end of getting injured and healed. It was an inconvenience, but I was confident that no Sun Knight would die under my watch. I would never let it happen again.

I didn't think I'd have to look out for this too, that I would have to watch him walk down a path of no return.

It wasn't like Grisia was a cleric no matter how much we joked about it!

Resurrection was a double-edged sword. I hoped he would never have to use it, but like a siren's call, once you're exposed to it, it becomes nearly impossible to resist. He was bound to become careless, to think that he could conquer death.

I knew all too well the allure of Resurrection. I also knew all too well the dangers of Resurrection.

I'd personally experienced both.

* * *

_Sun, you can't die! _

_If you die, what path would we follow? _

_We would be lost! _

* * *

When sunlight streamed in from my windows, I rolled over and planted my face into my pillow. The pillow grew moist. I breathed in and out, trying to reorient myself. It had been _years_ since I last dreamed of his death, but even now, I remembered it vividly.

I could never forget.

Not his pale countenance. Not the stricken looks on everyone's faces. Not the rough gravel below my knees. Not the taste of blood on my lips.

I'd bitten on my lips so hard that I'd drawn blood.

How could I ever forget?

It didn't help that golden-haired, blue-eyed men reminded me of him at every turn, and each time they got hurt, I would remember. Though they might all be loved by the God of Light, none were as loved as he had been, and even then, he had gotten hurt beyond our control.

This time, the memory was triggered because of a different reason.

Grisia had learned Resurrection.

_Do you mock me, God?_

_Do you?_

* * *

The first time Grisia returned from using Resurrection, I actually dared to hope that he hadn't been affected. He was just as cheeky as ever, and his physical appearance was still the same. I paid particular attention to his hair, but it looked untouched. Then again, I could not tell that Ceo's hair was dyed, so perhaps God had struck willfully again, and it was just that Grisia had covered it up. After all, Grisia would never let himself appear in public without looking perfect.

When I found out that what Grisia had paid was his sight, I was actually relieved.

It was a small price compared to what I...

It was a small price.

Perhaps even God had learned what true benevolence was among mortals.

* * *

When that child Lesus fell, I knew without a doubt that Grisia would never abandon him, and he would never leave Lesus's revival to chance.

I had once been that way too, but even if I wanted to risk myself, I no longer could.

I had nothing more to give that God wanted.

I would not be able to convince Grisia not to use Resurrection. His mind was set. Not even his holy knights would be able to convince him otherwise, so who was I to speak?

I had not been able to prevent Lesus's death. I had not been able to protect Grisia. Once again, I had failed. Once again, I realized how powerless I was despite all my years as the Pope.

Even after all these years, wasn't I still that same naive fifteen-year-old boy who thought he could protect his comrades from the world?

How laughingly naive of me. Though I may be the Pope, that didn't mean I had become all powerful. I never did learn, did I?

I busied myself with taking out boxes of powdered gemstones from my bookcase.

When Grisia said that he would not lose anything too serious, not if the God of Light wanted him to continue being the Sun Knight, I could not help but retort that it was just his guess.

God had never said so.

God had never cared about the position of the Sun Knight.

God had only ever cared about...

I _knew_ this even though Grisia thought my words to be conjecture.

But all I could do was continue drawing the magic circle and hope that bringing out all of my most expensive ingredients to assist in drawing the circle would aid Grisia enough that God might change His mind.

Although I was not loved by God, I hoped that our comradeship would at least sway His mind.

As I drew the circle, I could not help but wonder if I was secretly wishing...

No.

Even I was not that cruel, right?

I would not wish _that_ upon anyone else.

But when Lesus opened his eyes and Grisia's hair turned white, I could not understand the emotion coursing through me.

I gulped.

_No..._

While the Twelve Holy Knights looked relieved that Grisia's hair turned white...

While Grisia himself thought nothing of it and merely covered it up with magic...

I reached up to my own white hair.

No one knew that my white hair had not resulted because of my age.

It was the result of Resurrection.

* * *

to be continued

**A/N:** Thoughts? :3


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